#195 / 365 – ‘Conan the Barbarian’ – 112 mins
Cinema Challenge #79 / 115
Cimmerian warrior Conan (Jason Momoa) is on a personal vendetta to avenge his father’s murder. It’s a quest that soon becomes an epic battle against deadly rivals, horrific monsters, and impossible odds. And the barbarian realises he is the only hope of saving the great nations of Hyboria from an encroaching reign of supernatural evil. With a legacy spanning 80 years, Robert E. Howard’s 1930s creation Conan the Barbarian is often cited as the earliest – and greatest – example of the ever-popular ‘sword and sorcery’ genre.
I’m going to keep this very short, but unfortunately not very sweet. Every film has to have a plot correct. Well in Conan the Barbarian it becomes completely invisible against the tacky backdrop and grimly unimaginative writing. There are a good couple of action scenes but the problem is amongst the midsection of the film that feels completely endless they all become too standardized and extremely repetitive with only the most thinnest strands of glue holding them together on its $90m budget.
To label Conan the Barbarian would be one of inept creativity in film-making and awful dumbness, with lots of profound grunting in the acting, where everything just results in it being a complete waste of time leaving an empty space with nothing to connect too. I’m just glad I didn’t watch it in 3D as you can be sure there would have been more flaws to pick up on.
Not only does Conan the Barbarian takes home the top prized honour of being my worst cinematic movie of the year, replacing previous holders ‘Your Highness’, ‘Zookeeper’ in fact this movie makes those two look like masterpieces, it easily falls into the category of one of my most awful movie experiences of all-time. To which I’m giving it a first on my film quest – no rating.